The Love Prison Made (and Unmade): My Story by Ebony Roberts – Book Review

What is it REALLY like to have a prison bae? Ebony Roberts Tells All

There’s nothing like watching a hopeless romantic getting caught up in the worst circumstances when it comes to love. There’s a sense of dramatic irony watching someone fall into relationships that were doomed to fail from the start. We know this, but we just cannot understand why the person going through it just can’t get it right.

However, there’s a piece in the back of your head wondering if maybe – just maybe – it could work. This author takes you through the ups and downs of her poor choice of men: from men that test the limits of the relationship through infidelity. From the toxic, hyper-masculine hotep Black man; to the “soulmate” locked by the prison system, an “us against the world” kind of love. What happens when an educated, Black woman finds herself on the wrong side of love with a prisoner convicted of murder? In this New York Times Bestselling autobiographical tale, author and advocate Ebony Roberts gets personal with her love life as an evolving Black woman in America. 

The Love Prison Made (and Unmade): My Story by Ebony Roberts is a beautiful and challenging love story, and all the more real.

Ebony Roberts begins by introducing right away that she’s in love with love, fantasizing as a little girl about her Black knight in shining armor. The Cosby Show gave her the cookie-cutter version of Black love done “right”. With a nice house, a dining room table, and a white picket fence to match. As she grew more into her Blackness during her transformation in undergrad, she began to shift her image of what her knight would look like. Which was the “woke” Black man dedicated to the movement for the advancement of Black people. Someone who would fight the struggles with her; someone she could love. 

Her reality was a far cry from the romanticized images of Black love Roberts created in her head. In fact, her first interaction with Black love were her parents. An alcoholic father who ran her mother out of the house with a pistol pointed at her head, and a jaded mother who grew a distaste for love and romance, hating any and every “bad boy” her daughter would bring home.  As a child, this is what Roberts saw. She failed to see that what was under the surface were the manifestations of a system that she’d have to reckon with up close one day. 

Roberts meets Shaka Senghor – one of the prisoners – during a visit to a prison where she spoke during Black History Month. She was accompanied by her coworker and lover by the name of Rashad, whom ironically was also convicted for attempted murder and had been in prison for eleven years prior. Rashad continuously ridiculed and shamed her body, cheated on her, and diminished her value by refusing to commit, no matter how many times she asked. She remained faithful as long as she could. In a way, it’s as if the universe was giving her a warning of how the system changes Black men in relationships. An omen almost. It was a great portion of her life to include as it set the final foundation for why she fell so hard for Shaka in the first place. 

At first, she continues to correspond with Shaka as it was just another facet of the work she was doing. As she learned more about him through letters, she began to believe this man might be her soulmate, and became very vulnerable very quickly. Over the course of their relationship while he was in prison,  she was thrust into the true reality of what it was like to be a “prison girlfriend”. Letters turned into phone calls, and phone calls turned into in-person visits. 

There is a bigger message here, however. It is the fact that healthy Black love has not only been seen as a unicorn in the dating scene and on television, but an informal impossibility. “Where have all the good Black men gone?” they ask.

From their “run-down schools in the ghetto to high-tech industrialized prisons” [The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander]. Mass incarceration is the answer. This is more than just getting her guy. It is a system where Black wives, mothers, and daughters are forced to see their Black men destroyed through inhumane treatment and being stripped of their basic human rights – a place to live, employment, love, and so much more. Her story of fighting for him and their relationship while he was in prison was a noble one. In my opinion, she truly wanted to believe that their love would conquer the system. The question is: will it ever be possible for a loving relationship to prosper within the confines of such a system?

The writing style, although very personal, was also simplistic in nature, trekking more into the fictional narrative, rather than a recollection of lessons learned from her love affairs. The chapters are around five to seven pages each, so the read itself is truly a quick one. The short chapters conflicted with the rhythm of the story, never fully captivating me enough in the story. Some sections of her life were glossed over while others had several chapters dedicated to one topic or event. This caused a bit of choppiness in the flow, but doesn’t take away from the power of this narrative, as she conveys love with sensitivity and grace, never missing a beat when it comes to the heart. This book’s subject – as stated by other readers – is very reminiscent of “An American Marriage” by Tayari Jones.

The back of the book quotes: “Fed up, she swore to wait for the partner God chose for her.” In a way – and maybe I’m reading too much into it – this was a subtle clue on how much she was really going to be tested. The truth of the matter is that to love within the depths of a relationship, it must become a choice. No one is going to be chosen for you and a knight in shining armor will not come to your rescue, and if you believe that, you will not even be able to see what’s really in front of you: a broken man incapable of sustaining a mature relationship with an established woman.

I believe that the strongest realization of this autobiography was when she began to see what everyone else around her saw in the midst of loving him and continuing her journey. She never saw Shaka as just a “felon”, however, but as a man that just wasn’t ready for a relationship and isn’t a bad man for that. Sometimes we tend to get that mixed up, and criminalize Black men as a result. However, her respect for Shaka throughout this book was palpable. And more importantly, illustrates that love really is never enough. You have to choose them, and oftentimes when the relationship becomes too much to bear for either partner, you realize a choice was never really made at all. Her story presents these strong themes as well, whether intentionally or unintentionally. 

It’s something about a prison love that seems like it is meant to be, and this will resonate especially true to Black women who’ve experienced an intimate relationship in the confines of a prison.

The prison relationship is so romanticized in mainstream media, but some of the things she talks about in The Love Prison Made really resonate on what it is really like. From the visits, to the skewed communication through letters and missed phone calls, to the confusion of who your man is to you and who he is in prison, to the lack of empathy from both sides. This can be an extremely frustrating experience. It was necessary that she included all of the not-so-sweet details of their romance. It made it real, and it will make it real for anyone that has never and will never have to experience what it’s like not to be able to kiss in private, or even make love. 

The ending was rather rushed, so if you’re the type of reader that needs closure from such an intimate story, you likely won’t find it. You will, however, get clarity on the inside of what it’s like to love as a Black woman. You get the journey, and I believe that is much more valuable. 

Well done, Ebony Roberts. 

For a more analytical review on the intricacies of the prison system in America, check out this book review on The New Jim Crow.

Tags: the love prison made, Prison bae, prison love story, the love prison made book review , Harper Collins Black authors, Ebony Roberts